cocktail dress

"I must confess, when I wear this dress, I feel like dancing, the whole night with you...

'Cause you are the one, I can see having fun with, not just for the night, but the rest...of my life."

my black cocktail dress
hangs in the back of my closet
draped across a hanger
not worthy of it

my garment
still bears the outline of my silhouette
the movement of my frame
on a perfect night
with the perfect man

if you look closely,
you'll see the spot where he placed his hand
on my lower back
to pull me close
and dance the night away

the scent of his cologne mingled with my perfume
drifts to the front of the closet
reminding me of the sway of his tango
mixed with the glide of my waltz.

my black cocktail dress hangs in the back of my closet
wrapped in the reminder of our love, our friendship, our comraderie

I stand in front of the closet
clothed in the memory of how good it felt for us to be together

the black dress knows that we are meant to be
why don't we?

Copyright 2009, KIMJA

So, a friend of mine posted this question/comment on Facebook, and I was compelled to respond:

Ladies why is it good guys finish last? The root of this question is listening to the Strawberry Letter on Steve Harvey and talking to a good friend today about relationship issues. Bad girls seem to get the decent guys and ladies ignore the good guys. The bad boys always wins? Need the ladies to give their opinions.

Here are the best responses I read, along with my responses:

• "Usually the men I deem as the "good guy" aren't after me. They seem a little judgmental and not so approachable too. Also most good girls were taught not to approach men first so personally it's hard for me to just spark a convo with a man whom I deem a "good guy" bc I don't want to look thirsty lol...plus I feel as though he was raised the same way. Lol smh"   

•  " Sometimes good guys choose bad girls just like some good guys choose bad guys. Haven't understood why that happens. Maybe some folks secretly like the drama that comes with dating a "bad" mate. ??"

• "The good guys don't like me....."

• "Here are my two-three cents.In my opinion the "slow and steady really wins the race". I say that to say this..most people who hurry into relationships do so for the wrong reasons that's destructive in my opinion.  

• "If you are really a good guy in your opinion, it is my opinion that you have acquired the knowledge and experience to understand the components of a good woman. As you utilize self discipline, your principles' and moral compass; in my opinion you have the required skill to make your ruling and in my opinion you won't finish last but first. You will finish first because that woman will become your wife. When you find your wife it is a good thing and if done right you will not have to start over again, you will be DONE! The guys that engage themselves in worthless relationships will have to start over again or pretend just to maintain an unhealthy relationship. Either way the guy that builds a relationship with powerful substance no matter how long it takes WINS! In my opinion and that was a mouth full!"

Here was my response:

"In my experience, good girls also finish last sometimes. Be honest, Gents. Y'all be outchea choosin these heauxes and bypass good women or treat a good woman badly because you aren't done running the streets, and #then want a good woman to settle down with, once you've been everywhere and done everything to just about everybody. #yuk #WhoWantsThat #KeepYourGerms #NoThanks. disclaimer: my experience, as well as that of lots of friends and associates, classmates, colleagues, etc. Extensive research here.

 Can we also suggest that no guy is always "good" neither forever "bad"? Isn't is possible for guy to be "bad" at some point, and then through self-discovery become a better man, aka a "good" guy? The same holds true for a woman. Hopefully as we mature, we grow out of destructive behaviors. I give everyone room for their own personal growth. However, it's not a good feeling to feel "overlooked" just because you demonstrate respect and good character. That's what I'm thinking is meant by "good" guys or girls "finish last," meaning there will, at some point, be someone we want to be with who isn't ready or willing to be committed to be with us. And they may choose to be with someone who, in our opinion, doesn't deserve them. There's always a chance of someone's intentions/affections not being returned. Love is a risk. Just like fruit at the grocery store, you know there's a risk going in. #Seinfeldreference...ha"

Moral of the story:  We should all have some "good" in us, guy or girl, and we should aspire to be good and live good.  We should also expect to find the person that matches our desire for good character.  It's possible, provided we don't limit our horizons too much, or allow stereotypes to dictate our choices.  

Any of us could potentially "finish last" no matter how "good" or "bad" we might be.  

Ultimately, we should upgrade our choices and decisions in maturity and choose a partner who can and will love us the way we each deserve to be loved: completely.

Gestation

Burning indigestion
Worn and waiting
Crying and praying
Loving and hating
Wishing and wanting
Trusting and wavering

Am I a fool to trust a process unseen
With only glimpses and symptoms of what was promised to me

Should I remain in this state of waiting?
You're 38, so you should be dating!

Not interested in the endless tango and fall
If the shoe doesn't fit, don't put it on at all.

But how will you know unless you try?
Some things you know you should just let pass by.

So here I am.
The nursery's painted, the crib is all set
but the view of this miracle
hasn't surfaced yet

I see movement and stirring
sometimes, I feel it inside
but through all this waiting
this pendulum slides

I want it so badly
to see, hold and touch
If I've got to wait longer
I hate to want it so much

When will this discomfort end
The time to be joined to a forever friend
He needs me and I need him
We need each other--for our lives to begin

It's coming, it's time.
Be glad you prepared
For the love of your life
to surround you and a life to be shared.

 



work of insurrection
still holding myself to perfection


Deception
 
wields an "S" on my chest.
Super. Superlative.  Superb. 

"The Best?"
Well, yess.

but can't overachieve every day.
some days, you can only "watch and pray"

Faith without works is dead. 
But "works" won't quiet the worry in your head.

Worry robs today and sneaks past tomorrow
Each day has its own troubles; no need to borrow.

Stiff, staunch and still;
quiet like the wind.

Trying hard to grip the silence 
and begin it again.

Trust dominates an urgent desire;
the effort is high, as the need is dire.

Epicurious descent into pale,bended waves;
with a distant review of a stranger's face.

Strange to estranged,
deranged, rearranged 

and done.

From the well-suited to the righteous,
the sin braves the sun.

Instilled inception of a dream deferred;
wilted salvation of a prayer unheard.



 

Truth Serum

The glossy version of the truth carries with it a sweet cocktail, a little refreshing anecdote, a sprig of mint, and a twist.  Sometimes fruity, sometimes tart, coolly carbonated and pleasant to sip.  Drink it in; it goes down smoothly.

However...

The dark thick grog, with pungent smell and uneven texture, which takes a rough-traveled journey down the throat of its recipient--the unaltered, unsweetened and bitter truth--the real raw deal, although hard to swallow--is better than the fruity twist of covert innuendo, subtle suggestion, and undercurrent agenda.

Give me the truth and nothing but the truth. Unfiltered, no ice, no lemon or fruit to chase the rich bile of truth, which burns going down, but cleanses the soul.

.

Give me that.

Straight, no chaser.
Brilliantly constructed, wholly offensive truth. 
Served raw. 
No salt, no pepper, no sugar.

Just...the truth.

Serve me the truth. 
raw, unpalatable

It may not taste good going down
But it will purge and disinfect, 
Making me better for having taken its dose.

Truth serum - no ice. 

I8.02.13

~The Dance

The 20th of never has arrived.

Here I sit in my fancy dress and dancing shoes.

No one asked me to the big soiree.

I guess they figured I already had a date??

Typical "Sixteen Candles" tragic, romantic plot.

Supposedly, the guy of my dreams is sitting somewhere with a suit and tie on, wishing he'd had the courage to ask me to the dance.

In true tragic useless romantic form, he's waiting for me, but hasn't the guts to let me know.

Maybe he'll find me, come out of his protective shell and invite me into his forever.

We deserve each other. We've both been all dressed up, nowhere to go, and waiting.

Sounds and Whispers

In a clear moment, when I have no idea what to say...

My heart expands with emotions untilled-
a frustrating, aching proposition
of moral tides
and faint whispers
of words unsaid and feelings not uttered
and of circumstance shattered,
of keen hopes battered.

 
 Languor and anger
and hatred and strife
to tell of a toll on stretched, unfettered life.

Why are you here?
I thought you had left,
literally taken a left
taken a break
and yet...
here you stayed.

Wide-eyed and wondering 
a heat-barren post
devoid of the hope
for which it stands
for you are, by far, no ordinary man.

Light and ritual
have teased our hopes, 
our declarations, once bold type-face,
now laden with heavy ropes.

Ransacked visions,
fragments of resolve
Deep crease of grimace
Smile lines dissolved...

These pieces of a dream--
this equation we wrote
symbolizes vague symbolism 
of things we reach to be.

A hidden approach, void of pain or vanity, 
the expectations we hold so true--
the escobars and minotaurs that lurk,
hidden from view.

Why should it matter, 
the whens and the whys?
Because a glimpse of redemption
could lighten these blood-black eyes.

A glimmer to force the courageous shoulder back to the grindstone again
Brief freedom from the litany 
A syncopated rhythm flashes across the window pane.

Gleefully smitten, and washed about
Handsome hands, gallant arms,
soft warm lips that speak no harm.

My sweet, safe dream
and the wings to bear it
The life I crave; the love to share it.

Time capsule unearthed
by wind and stealth
Inside of you, I find myself.

When the wind chimes meet 
their conquering breeze,
This bliss shall set your mind at ease.

That moment the chamber is gently unlocked,
Time will shudder
and stop the clock.

No time, no space or chronology,
no baited effort to make mockery of me.

No prism of light
to cast anger or blame
it is you; it is I; it is we again.

Let's capture this rapture in our souls-
they are the same.
Breathless and guilded, you reach for my frame.

Textured and glistened the stone casts our claim:
The mastered dominion of what is ours to maintain.
In Gestation-the sound has cleansed away his pain.