Smelling a sweet lilac on the way to the bank to cash my check, which is almost gone, with all the bills I have to pay, and some still remain untouched...
My tally...my long list of obligations has somewhat grown; not much, but hadn't decreased as much as I would've liked...
I'd like for some of these obligations to be scratched off my list. Released from my mental. Left off my brain, deleted from thoughts. Left behind like a littered styrofoam cup dropped out of a speeding car. Whisked off in a winding breeze; tossed swiftly aside to languor as a piece of useless litter.
Understand, it was not my plan to abandon any responsibility,
Neglect my sworn duty,
obligatory contract,
sworn oath of subject.
Reliable requirements,
Qualifications on paper,
Deniable requiem relished
Deadening of nerves,
Singed blood vessels.
Paper applications to sign your life away.
Letters and longing and expectation,
Nervousness and fear
and gripping wonder,
Promissory notes and unsigned checks,
salary verifications,
black ink pens
while sitting in hard-backed chairs,
fluorescent lights
and salesmen with slick hair,
Aqua-velva aftershave,
smelling of cheap lies and empty promises
and outlandish interest rates.
Stained coffee cups,
sweat-stained dress shirts,
stiff suit jackets,
oxfords and starched collars,
striped ties,
dry mouth, fast deals, fast talk
and finance managers...
Pluses and minuses,
adding to subtract,
shiny cars, sets of keys,
And mine is which one of these?
Keys please.
Freeze.
Are you good enough?
Scored high enough?
Met minimum requirements,
given sufficient information?
Debt-to-income ratio in order?
Shown good faith in lending?
Sealed the deal with substantive doubt,
How to settle this debt without crapping out...
Debt is the devil
And need is shame,
The mouse on the wheel
Is going insane.
The cycle seems endless,
the pressure is immense.
This rat race of life
Ceases to make sense.
Photo Courtesy of Samori Cummings, ©2014
