I'm asking nicely: Leave me alone.

let it ride
don't stir it
don't wrestle, don't change

it's meant to be as it is
leave it alone
let he natural ebb and flow
of the changing tide
sway things to where they should be
in nature's time.

there's too much to contend with
to try to control everything
the only jurisdiction any of us has is
over our own sense of being

no control over the motives and intentions of others
no say so over who does what, when and with whom
our assignment is to try to catch the tide as it sweeps by
to stay within the gentle flow of our own waters
to be heard, to be validated, to be purposeful, intentional, real and regarded.

our quest is simple but complex at the same time
no one understands us, but it makes perfect sense in our own minds
everyone's an island, an expert, a guru, infallible, invincible

but mistakenly human, flawed, error, dust.
no one has the answers, but everyone thinks they do

we're all foolishly arrogant enough to believe in our own perfection.
yet secretly and painfully aware of our flaws.
when will we decide to approach things realistically?
accept that we know some things, but in the end, we have no real answers.

None of us knows what our tomorrow will bring,
what calamity awaits us on the other side of this sunset,
what tragedy looms in our tomorrow
what triumphs will embrace us beyond the next sunrise
or the final hour of our inevitable demise.

Perhaps it's because we feel helpless not knowing so many aspects of our unknown future
maybe the fear of tomorrow's sorrows plagues us into arrogant trance
of quoting our successes, predicting our gallantry and ignoring our frailty.

I don't have the answers.
and it pains me that I don't.
But the greater pain would be assuming that I have the answers, only to to be irreparably disappointed once I remember that I'm clueless.

There seems to be no fountain of youth,
no euphoria that turns our efforts into a continual stream of reward.
That's why we get discouraged.
We put good out there, and evil comes back toward us.
We sow friendship, but get adversaries in return.

I give understanding, but I'm getting accusation.
I give money, but I still find some lack.
I've listened, but cannot seem to be heard.

The physical pain of dreams deferred and the mental pain of not getting out what you're putting in....

Has me seated right now.
I have nothing to say.
I've been flabbergasted. Shocked.
Bitterly Disappointed.

So what happens next?

I don't feel that I have the strength to definitively say, "oh well, I'll just keep on..."
Right now, I need to take a seat.
I can't go back into the ring right now.
My eye is swollen from the blows.
My strength sapped by the fight.
Resolve has been weakened by the struggle.

I've talked, I've thought, I've worked, I've prayed, I've mused, questioned, reasoned.
Now, I don't have much to say because I've said everything I could.

I need a breakthrough and a break from the evil, the selfishness, wickedness, injustice, hatred, bitterness, and disappointment.

Right now, I'm on mute. You don't hear me, and you won't. I'm through talking.
Through trying to reach people.
Through trying to help people find their way when I'm struggling on my own path.
Done offering understanding.
Done reaching out.
Finished with being taken for granted.
I'm not here for other people's recreation.
I'm a living, breathing, feeling person.
My feelings are valid, my perspective deserves respect.

Leave me alone, to my quiet. Or you'll wish you had.
You don't want me to unleash all of my frustration in your direction, so I'm advising you all:

Let. Me. Be. 

Unpacking

let the burdens down off  ya shoulders

drop the weight into the sea

break the bricks and crush the bolders

no more heavy over me.