My father spoke these words to me in a conversation we had a few weeks back. His words stirred inside me and launched me into a spiral of deep thought.
In my twenties, I followed the rules. I got career jobs, pursued my college degree, and then got a job in my field. I was never a rule-breaker, so the path that everyone else suggested for me to reach success was one that I willingly followed. I took the seminars, sought out mentors, training, took more responsibility, and was constantly reaching for the next level of advancement.
One thing I have always admired and appreciated about my Dad has been his constant thirst for growth and knowledge. My father has always been in some form of church ministry, but he has equipped himself with an arsenal of formal education to support what he does in the ministry. He is constantly re-evaluating this body of formal training and knowledge and seeking to expand it. When I was in my teens and twenties, it seemed that every time I turned around, my Dad was going back to school for something. As a young person, I thought, "why would anyone want to keep going back to school if they didn't have to?"
What I didn't understand but have come to recognize now, is that life is about continual growth, and we have to fight to keep from ourselves from becoming stagnant. Every now and again, we as students of life must re-evaluate our position and seek to equip ourselves with more tools. Whether it be education, new personal or professional connections, training, experiences, opportunities--we constantly have to be reaching for that next platform in our lives. There is never a point of arrival.
Still, my father's question begs an answer. Now what?
Another very poignant statement that my Dad made during our conversation was this: "You've been faithful over a few things. When do you become ruler over many?"
In my interpretation, ruler and master are essentially the same thing. My Dad was asking me, when will it be my time to find the niche, the slot in life that I am built for? When will I be the ruler, the master of a silo that I can call my own?
During the course of my life, I have found that I am capable of doing a lot of things. I've been in various industries and professional arenas, from the travel industry to academia, to social services to private sector business. Knowing that I am capable of operating successfully within a variety of arenas is a good feeling. However, finding THE platform upon which I can thrive and be successful using the natural gifts within the core of my person could be possibly the most fulfilling feeling of my life.
The phrase, "jack of all trades, master of none," signifies a person who can do a lot of things, but hasn't found one thing of which they are the master. I believe that, for each of us, there is something we are innately born with--be it a gift, a talent, an intuitive understanding of a complex subject--something that sets us apart from everyone else in this world. Within that one thing lies the key to our highest success and fulfillment.
Not to say that our gifts and talents don't need development, but that they are innate and, when fine-tuned by development, they become superlative compared to what others may do. Classic example: Jackie Robinson was born with natural athletic ability. Using his natural ability, combined with practice and discipline, Jackie Robinson was not just a baseball player; he was a phenomenal baseball player. He had something that other players who practiced just as hard, did not have. He had something God-given that ultimately made him stand out among his fellow players. Athleticism was the gift that God gave Jackie Robinson.
What is that natural, innate gift, ability or knowledge that God has given me? What is the one tool that I could employ that would make me feel as if I am doing what I was born to do? I can do a lot of different things, but what is the one thing that I must do?
When I was 11 years old, I had it all planned out. I was going to be a child psychologist. I was going to spend my days helping children unburden themselves of shameful pasts and the pain of innocence lost. I would get my degrees in psychology and child development, so that I could help these children get free of the vices that stood to possess them and ruin their lives. I was going to start college straight out of high school and finish in 4 years, by the age of 21. I would do some additional training, and possibly obtain a masters degree in psychology by the age of 25. I would meet my husband in college; we would marry when I was 25 or 26. I would have children somewhere between the ages of 28 and 30. My spouse and I would raise three healthy, well-balanced children; I would have the skills to raise them with solid self-concept and esteem. My husband and I would be like Cliff and Claire; our children like Theo, Vanessa, and Rudy. That was my plan.
Things, however, did not work out that way.
Now, I am 36 years old. I have a bachelor's degree in Journalism and Electronic Media. I have spent 6 years developing a career in Web and online media. A career that, from my perspective, has gone nowhere. I've never been promoted, and I am 6 years in. I did the work, I put in the time, the discipline, but haven't found ultimate purpose there.
Yes, in my thirties now. No spouse or children yet. I am at a crossroads, where I am unwittingly being required to evaluate the path I have taken in life. I have pursued education, learning, personal growth and development. I took the measures necessary to educate myself and carve out a person with strong morals, ethics, and compassion for humankind. I have built strong relationships, both personal and professional, based on longevity and mutual respect. Now what?
- I have an education, and more than 12 years of professional work experience, in a variety of areas, and have proven that I can learn any skill required, given an opportunity to do so. Now what?
- I am great friend, patient listener; one who empathizes with the dilemmas of those around me.
- I am a respectful and loving daughter who has strong relationships with my parents. I have grown to see them as flawed human beings, while still paying them homage as the foundation for who I am.
- I am a supportive sister, who lends her time, effort and resources to building up her siblings and helping them be strong, productive individuals.
- I am a loving aunt who takes time to reach each of my growing nieces and nephews in their current chronology. For all of them, I am only a text or a phone call away.
- I have amassed years of experience, skills, strong relationships, character and morals. But still, there has to be more to life than this!
So "Now what"
In these days of rich contemplation, I am being forced to ask myself some tough questions. For instance, when I die, how do I want people to remember me? What do I want to be known for having done?
That's a morbid question, but it really puts things in perspective. In order to look at your life and what you want it to be, sometimes you have to step into the future and look back at what you would have wanted your life to have been.
Ask yourself, "In an ideal world, what would I have designed my life to have meant to me, and to others?" In other words, if you carve out a list of what you would've wanted your life to mean, you can revise that list and then create the life you want, based on your options now.
I think that's what they call a Plan B. At this point, I'm probably on Plan C or Plan D, having been through several twists, and unexpected turns.
I am not at all ungrateful for the life that I have. Statistically, I should be far worse off than I am.
I know that I am in a relatively good place, based on the planning I did do, even if things didn't turn out the way I expected them to.
What's more, I am eternally grateful for parents, mentors and friends who ask me the tough questions that push me forward toward higher levels of growth.
So,"Now what?"
There is no simple answer to this question. However, my years of experience suggest to me that, even if don't know what is next, I do know what isn't next. What isn't next is spending any more of my time being a "jack of all trades, master of none." My life has to matter to me, even if no one else understands what I do.
So, I won't be giving a second of my time to anything that doesn't bring me closer to my ultimate purpose.
No more doing things just for the sake of doing them. No more subscriptions to someone else's formula for success. I have to find what works for me, even if people get angry or don't understand.
I am not a rebellious person, so it will take some effort to revamp my stance.
I have to spend every waking moment of my time reaching for the next platform in my life. Until I reach that next platform, my focus will be immersing myself wholly into the search for my core gift--that one reason that God created me to be, inhabit and live on this earth for an unknown span of time.
I am searching my heart for the things that matter most. Each nugget of meaning is being carefully extracted from a safe place behind my heart. I am laying these treasures out on a long wooden table. I'm taking a risk, removing these precious stones from their protective chamber. But it's worth it.
I believe that, by examining what is most important to me, I will find what is closest to my core person. Somewhere, amongst all these gems lies my God-given, innate gift--my purpose.
"Now what?" Now, what I am focused on, is a life of sheer intention.
A life of purpose.
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